Wow… what a week it has been. I turned 29 last week and naturally I’ve spent a good deal of time looking back over where my life has been this last decade. It’s amazing to me to see how far I’ve come – mentally, emotionally, spiritually – a lot of growing up I guess you could say. I realized that I am finally old enough to have some of those “good ole’ days.” Naturally I’m a nostalgic person, and I’ve found myself missing some of those former days. I’m not quite sure why. I guess we all have those moments in our lives where we wish we could go back and change something. Maybe it was a choice we made, a friend we hurt, or an opportunity we passed up. I know it’s dangerous to live your life in the “what if’s” but it’s that reality that a new decade of life has begun for me. My twenties are essentially over, I’m getting older (I’m losing some hair!) I guess this morning my heart is heavy. I look back over these last several years and ask God for forgiveness for all of the mistakes I’ve made and the people I’ve hurt. I certainly don’t claim to be perfect, being a pastor I’m reminded of that every day. It’s crazy to be old enough to realize that there are people who have pieces of me and my heart. I used to think that you could get those pieces back, and you could somehow glue it all back together, but I’ve realized you can be whole, but you do it with what’s left of your heart. Wherever I travel, whenever I get a chance to speak – I always remind people to be careful what parts of yourself that you give away, because you can never get them back.
I’ve heard a quote “when your memories are bigger than your dreams, you’re headed for the grave.” And while I know that’s true in some sense, I still can’t get away from memories that are forever imprinted on my soul. Who knows what the next decade of my life will bring? But I am reminded of what James (and so many of my mentors have told me) “we aren’t promised another moment.” We have to live in the miracle of this moment, it’s the only thing we can do anything about. I know one thing, I want my life to count for something. I want to make a difference in this world, I want God to use my life. This journey of faith is a scary one at times, and I am learning what it means to truly “walk by faith and not by sight.” Boy that’s tough somedays… I pray that wherever life finds you today, you’ll appreciate the gift and the miracle of “today” Live life today, and “wherever you are, be all there.”
Man it’s early, what am I doing up?? Tell me that’s not a sign that I’m getting old!!! Guess it’s time for Starbucks.
