Kaleigh Renee Dunn: 1990-2008
I’ve been a part of some very rough moments in my nearly ten years of working with teenagers – but I experienced something today that ranks right up there with the roughest. As I got to my office on monday morning, I hadn’t even opened my door before my phone started ringing. Students were calling me crying telling me that they just found out that their friend Kaleigh had died the night before. My heart sank as I realized that it was going to be “one of those weeks.”
But what do you really say to students who are grieving?
For most of them this was the first time that they had experienced the death of anyone close to them. I heard statements like “Bryan, I just talked to her friday… and now she’s gone… she’s really gone.” It’s tough dealing with death, but it gets just a little bit tougher when it’s the death of a teenager. They aren’t supposed to die that young – I mean, most teenagers don’t think they will die, after all – their teenagers, their invincible. Kaleigh lost her life in a tragic auto accident on the way home from a weekend trip. And what made it even more difficult was learning that the guy driving the car survived, and is a member of my church.
What do you really say?
Wednesdays are the days that our students gather for Bible study, and I knew that I had to take advantage of this moment. I knew I had to address it. Kaleigh wasn’t a member of my group, but a number of my students were friends with her. I know that in moments like these, student ministry becomes a ministry of presence. It’s being there – listening – saying nothing – crying – just being near them and letting them know you care. But I also know that I love those students too much not to tell them the truth. I love them too much to not share with them the greatest news that they’ve ever heard – Jesus loves them. He died for them. I’m constantly aware when I speak, whether it’s to churches, youth groups, etc, to make sure that I communicate the Gospel message and share with people how you can enter into a relationship with Jesus Christ.
So last night I looked my students in the face, and told them all to look me in the eyes. I told them that God loves them – He loves them more than they could ever dream or imagine. I asked them why it takes the death of a friend for us to wake up and realize that life is so terribly short? I reminded them that the Bible compares our life to mist and vapor. Whether we live 17 years like Kaleigh did, or whether we live 100 years, our lives are so short. Life is so fragile, it’s so precious, it’s a gift from God Himself. I very plainly walked them through the Gospel and explained to them how you can know Jesus in a real, life-changing way.
So today was the funeral. I knew that it was going to be rough, but I didn’t realize just how many high school students would show up. It was held in our sanctuary, and by the time it started the room was packed. My heart sank as I heard people talk about her life; we saw pictures and heard songs – we saw the girl that her friends knew. As a preacher, you make peace with the reality that at some point, this is something I have to do. People look to you for answers, they look to you for comfort. I know that in those moments your words become so very critical. I listened as the pastor talked about heaven, about how Kaleigh knew Jesus. He even read from her Bible. He spoke about the resurrection and the certain return of Jesus. And as I thought he was getting ready to explain to that captive audience how you can know Jesus and have that same assurance, he stopped – we prayed – I lost it.
Maybe it’s the youth minister in me, maybe it’s the evangelist in me, I’m not sure… but what an incredible opportunity to share with so many hurting people the greatest message of hope that has ever been told. If there’s ever anything that can bring peace, hope, and comfort in the darkest moments of our lives – it’s the Gospel.
We watched as they rolled the casket to the back of the building, and then they began dismissing the crowd. They started with the balcony and then moved to the back rows of the bottom floor. Row by row hundreds of people left that church and walked out into a cold november afternoon. Wondering – why – how – now what?? As people began to leave the auditorium I looked back only to notice – the casket was in the foyer, and it was open. Nobody prepared those hundreds of teenagers for what they were about to see. One by one, as those grieving high school students passed her open casket, they lost it. That small area was filled with the sounds of crying, grieving, and mourning. As a youth pastor I had no clue where to start, I looked around in every direction and saw nothing but hurting people. I felt so helpless, I felt so small, and all I knew to do was pray.
Kaleigh would have turned 18 in nearly a month. But her life was cut short. She’ll never graduate high school, she’ll never go to college, she’ll never get married, she’ll never have kids, she’ll never grow old… her life is over. All she had was 17 years. Just a little over 6,205 days. My life is currently given to working with teenagers, trying to show and teach them what it looks like to live a life of reckloss abandon to Jesus Christ. I know I’m not perfect, and I mess up more than I can count, but I love those students. I pray that their eyes would be opened to the joy of walking with Jesus Christ. But sadly, most students settle for so much – they settle for so much less than what God desires for their lives, and they wind up becoming ships without sails. That’s what keeps me doing what I do, that’s why I keep preaching, that’s why I keep getting up and working at the church.
What could be in Kaleigh’s life will never be. Her dreams will never fill photo albums. She’ll never become all the things that she wanted to be. 17 years old.
But for those of us that keep living, we still have the “what could be’s” we still have another day to live, love, and make a difference in our world. But taking the “what if’s” and “what could be’s” and turning them into realities and “what can be’s” is a pretty bumpy journey of faith. We can’t do it alone, we need someone to walk the road with us. Thank you God for the promise of nearness.
As I left the sanctuary, I lost count of how many students were sitting on the ground or sitting up against the wall – stunned, silent, confused, pondering. I walked past our nursery and stopped to look at all those little babies – babies who had no idea that death had come early for someone just down the hallway. Babies who have yet to learn just how much God loves them, babies who have no idea what death is. They’re just living life, that’s all they know how to do.
So I pray today that you would life life – live it to its fullest potential. If you love someone – by all means – tell them that today. Today is all we’ve been given, and what a beautiful gift it is.
I started thinking about that altar in our sanctuary. I thought about how many babies have been dedicated there, how many marriages have happened there, how many life-changing decisions were made there, how many knees touched that carpet, how many prayers were offered there, and I thought about how many people have spent their last moments there before they were taken to the cemetery.
Life is short. So live it out loud, live it to its fullest. Trust Christ with your life, and I promise you’ll never regret it!
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1 NIV
So it is that altar that I leave myself tonight, it is that altar where I rest my thoughts, and it’s on that altar that I’ll stop talking….
BCB
“If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, anyone who trusts in Him will never be put to shame… how, then can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without some preaching to them?” Romans 10:9-14 NIV
